What It Really Means
by Ktime
Summary: '"Obviously none of you know what it really means to be a parent..." She's sure if Marshal knew how much those words hurt he wouldn't have said them. And it wasn't that they were harsh, Or cruel. It was because they were 100% true.' Marshall/Lilly/Robin Friendship


**Hey Guys!**

**This is my first How I Met Your Mother fic, so be nice. I just couldn't get this idea out of my head.**

**It's not Beta's so any and all mistakes are mine (and there probably will be a few)**

**Anyway, Hope you like it.**

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"Obviously none of you know what it really means to be a parent..."

She's sure if Marshal knew how much those words hurt he wouldn't have said them.

And it wasn't that they were harsh,

Or unjustified,

Or cruel.

It was because they were 100% true.

Because Robin Scherbatsky never wanted to be a parent.

And if she's being perfectly honest, she's still almost certain she doesn't.

But it's the **almost** part that's killing her.

And she's sure if she still had the option, she wouldn't be having this dilemma.

But it doesn't and she is.

Because she can't ever have children (And there's nothing in the world that she hates more than being told what to do),

And yes you can adopt, or go some other way.

But she can't help but think of how disastrous that could end up.

Because if she never wanted kids, how could she possibly mother a child that wasn't even her own flesh and blood.

And if she's being completely honest with herself, that very thought makes her sick.

And it's time's like this that she thinks maybe the universe was right to fuck her over.

Because a true mother would never even _begin_, to ponder such thoughts.

So when those words come out of Marshall's mouth, the only thought that crosses her mind is the fact that he is 100% right.

Because Robin Scherbatsky had no idea what it took to be a parent.

And thanks to some karmic bullshit, she'd never learn.

And she thinks now that maybe that's the reason she fought so hard to be little Marvins' god parent.

Because maybe if she held that title, then she'd be able to experience some of the wonder that she subconsciously knows she's going to miss out on.

And it's only now that she realise that's exactly what a parent _shouldn't_ do.

Because a parent wouldn't put their own needs and desires in front of the childs.

And she almost wants to laugh at the irony, because she's not even close to being a parent yet and she's still managing to fuck it all up.

So she walks out with Barney and Ted.

Although she's sure it's for different reasons.

Because they left out of anger.

She left out of guilt.

Because she shouldn't have been there in the first place.

So when Marshall and Lilly approach them at the booth and tell them they've made a decision, she stares at them anxiously, hoping desperately that they have better maternal instincts then her.

And when they revoke the "8 or higher rule" she couldn't really care one way or another.

Still, she tells them about the bike dilemma and the fact that Nick is one of the most emotional guys she's ever dated (including Ted). Ignoring the fact the she still hasn't told her boyfriend about the infertility or the lack of maternal desires; choosing just to avoid the topic all together (much like she does with Nick).

Because although she may have the maternal instincts of a baby whale, Robin Scherbatsky is notoriously well known for being a good friend.

And a good friend wouldn't barrage the new parents about her maternal problems (or lack thereof), even if it would be considered "8 or higher".

So she talks about everything and anything, avoiding the things that really matter.

* * *

The sound of a baby crying is not something she enjoyed waking up to (yet another reason why the whole 'mother' thing would never work out).

But she still follows Ted into Marvin's room in attempt to sort him out.

She stands to the side as Ted picks him up and soothes him. And she can't help but think what an amazing dad he will be.

But then again she's always known that.

There was always something about him that made her so certain he was going to raise a family.

And as she watches him coddle the baby until his cries turn into whimpers, her mind comes to a heart wrenching stop.

Because that same aspect that made her so sure Ted was going to be a dad,

It's the same thing she see's in Nick.

It's the same thing that made her so sure of why her and Ted never belonged together.

And here she is again.

So she quietly excuses herself from the room (careful to not let her friends see her tears).

Because she owes it to Nick.

Because he's going to have a family someday,

She doesn't know who with,

And she doesn't know when.

But it's not with her, that much she's certain of.

So she has to tell him, she owes him at least that much.

* * *

The conversation with Nick goes the pretty much the exact same way it did with Kevin (minus the whole proposal thing of course).

And she's forced to watch another amazing guy, who was willing to give her what any normal woman would want, walk out the door.

Because she was far from a normal woman.

And by god some time she wishes she was.

Because a 'normal' woman would never have to go through this shit.

Let alone twice.

But here she is.

Standing on top of a roof top, a roof top that she doesn't even live under anymore. (Only then realising that she walked straight through her best friend's apartment)

Staring out at the road bellow, silently wishing for a cigarette.

"Robin?" Lilly's voice startles her out of her stupor.

She turns hastily wiping the tears out of her eyes, "Lily... Hey...uh... what... what are you doing here?"

"You're on the roof to my apartment?" She answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world "You walked through the door said 'hey' and just walked upstairs?"

"Huh" Robin replied not actually remembering interacting with Lilly or Marshall at all.

"What's going on sweetie?" Lilly asks her desperately.

And by god Robin wants to answer that question.

She wants to break down and cry in her best friends arms, tell her that her life sucks, and that universe hates her, and that another guy has dumped her because she's baron, and that it's all just too damn much.

But Robin Scherbatsky doesn't break down and cry.

And she's not going to start now.

"Nothing, just realised how much I've missed the view" The lie rolls off her tongue with such ease it surprises even her.

"Lily?" It's Marshall's voice this time that comes out as he climbs over the ladder.

"Where's Marvin?" Was Lilly's first and only response, and it's small things like that, that make Robin so sure that Lilly is going to be the most amazing mother in the world.

"Mickey took him to the park, what's going on?"

"Well apparently Robin here, missed the view, so she decided to walk through our apartment, on what I'm assuming is her way to work?" Lilly asks, turning her attention back to the Canadian whose eyes are finally starting to dry up.

"...It's a nice view?" Robin replied desperately shrugging her shoulders.

Lilly and Marshal look at each other, both knowing there was something wrong with their best friend.

It didn't take a genius to figure that out

Lilly stares into her husband's eyes, silently asking his permission to inform her best friend of their recent decision. He nods his head in permission, desperate to figure out what's going on with normally so strong brunet.

"So while we've got you here, we um, we decided about the godparent thing" Lilly said causing Robin to look her in the eyes for the first time in the conversation.

And for the second time in as many days, she wants to laugh at the irony, because the thing Lilly is trying to use to cheer her up, is the one thing that makes her want to break.

"We decided to name all of you, you know that way Marvin will always stay in the family and you can all be pa... Sweetie?" Lilly's explanation is cut short as Robin turns away desperately trying to hide her tears.

Because she can't do this.

Because she doesn't have what it takes to be a parent.

She's spent the last 24 hours finally coming to terms with this.

So how do you tell your best friends, who you spent the last few weeks trying to bribe, in order to be named godmother that you no longer want the position.

_Oh sorry guys, thanks for the opportunity but I think I'll have to pass?_

"Guys I... I can't do this" She forced out desperately

"Robin what do you mea.." She cuts Marshall off before he even get's to ask the question.

"I can't be Marvin's Godparent!" The hurt look that crosses her friends faces is something she'll never forget, and she knows she has to give them an explanation, even if it kills her to talk about it, she owes them at least that much.

"I just... I don't... I never wanted to be parent, I never knew how too, I.."

"Robin we.." Lilly sighs desperately trying to stop her friends' streak.

"I would be a horrible mother Lilly! I wouldn't even know where to start; I mean c'mon, I can't have kids! Obviously the natural maternal instincts aren't there!"

"Robin..."

"And it's not like I can take pointers from my own childhood..."

"Robin just listen okay? We tr..." But Marshall was once again cut off but the recently famed news reporter.

"You said it yourself, no of us know what it's like to be a parent,(Marshall internally winces at this) but at least Ted and Barney will have a chance to figure it out."

"Robin pleas..."

"Look, If on the off chance anything ever happens to you two, Marvin will have a great life and grow up to be an amazing kid, but that's not going to be thanks to me" She sighs as her hysterical rant finally starts coming to an end, "You were right, I don't know the first thing about raising a kid, but I do know the best thing for him is to not be raised by me. I'll be the cool aunt or something, but I'm not parent material"

"Oh sweetie" Lilly sighed as she wrapped her arms tightly around her best friend, silently wondering how she could've missed this.

Marshall just stood back, staring in shock at the scene in front of him; regretting ever saying those stupid words in the first place. By the time Marshall snaps out of his stupor Lilly has already guided Robin over to the brick wall and they're both sitting on the ground, deep in conversation.

"You see that right there," Lilly said as she turns to look at her best friend, "That's what being a _mother_ is, putting the child first, what you're doing right now, that's being a parent Robin."

"Lilly I'm so sorry I jus..."

"Robin, just because you have doubts, or don't want kids, or can't have kids, that doesn't mean you'd be a bad parent, and it sure as hell doesn't mean you're a bad person." Robin tried to hide her tears as Lilly words hit their mark.

"Robin we chose you because if we're not here little Marvin needs a mom. And we know that you would be an amazing mom, do you really think we'd do this if it wasn't the best thing Marvin?" It's Marshall who poses that question, desperate to try and get his friend to see.

And he had Robin there, because for all the doubts the brunet had,

Her best friend's parental abilities were never one of them.

So she looks to her best friends tears in her eyes, "I've missed you guys"

"Oh sweetie we've missed you too" And they stay like that until the moments long passed, (Robin's head resting on Lilly's shoulder, Marshall stoically looking on) because it's what they all needed.

And they're not sure how much time has gone when Robin finally breaks the silence; announcing with a genuine smile;.  
"I'm gonna be the best damn Godmother you've ever seen"

And Marshall and Lily don't doubt it for a second.

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**Pleas review and let me know what you think, it would mean the world. :)**


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